Rock Stars Don't Have 401ks

I’ll be honest.  Scott and I have lived like rock stars ever since we were married two blissful years ago.  We’ve been to some of the best restaurants, traveled to some of the most sought after places, and didn’t think twice about any of it.

Off the coast of Tenerife.

And now, we’re homeowners.  With ‘real’ financial responsibility.  

I was quite humbled yesterday while planning out our new budget (one that will require a mortgage + rent + utilities for both) for the remainder of the year.  I was looking to see where we could cut costs, so I totaled up several different categories of spending.  Much to my surprise, especially since we eat at home at least 5 nights a week, we had spent well over $A,TON on eating out in the last five weeks alone.  I was shocked.  And disappointed.  

That number would mean something completely different if we weren’t parents, didn’t just buy a house or if we had two incomes.  However, those are not the cases anymore.  Scott and I have always had champagne taste...but we’re living on more of a mid-grade wine budget.  

While we’re pretty good at saving, we’re even better at spending.  A part of me thinks I would accept this situation differently if I was working outside of the home and we were a dual-income family.  But probably not.  We would still be spending excessively - buying what we want when we want it. 

[Disclaimer:  My only opinion of the whole SAHM v. Working Mom debate is that it’s a personal choice.  One that only each unique family can make together.  I think both decisions result in a wealth of benefits for the child and family as a whole.  I do not judge either way.  And wish not to be judged in return.]

We decided early on that we were going to be a single-income family.  Even while dating, Scott and I had talked about that if we ever had kids, I would stay home with them.  Growing up, my mom did’t get to stay at home with us, and I was so jealous of the kids whose mothers would be at home waiting for them when they jumped off of the school bus.  I always dreamt of doing the same.  And, luckily, I have a husband who supports that dream.  However, that’s certainly not to say that I will never go back to work.  I do plan to work again.  Some day.  But I am so blessed that I have the luxury to choose what kind of job I want, that I don’t have to depend on its income and that it’s something I will be able to commit to because I want to.  

And while we’ve had to give up some things because of my not working outside of the home, they are things that we really don’t even miss anymore.  We can still have fabulous nights out together, just not every week like we used to.  I can still go to the spa, just not as regularly as I would like.  We can still go shopping any time we wish, we just have to be more judicious about our purchases nowadays (which has certainly helped with closet space and clutter!).  And, honestly, if that means I am free to be at home with my little girl every day - there when she wakes up, to have lunch with her, read her stories, go on walks with her and tuck her into bed every night - then I’d give it all up.  No job, to me, is more important than mothering my daughter.  And when looking back at my life one day, I will judge my personal success on how great of a mother I was and how grounded and happy of an adult my child(ren) turns out to be.  (No pressure, Eliza.)  

Do I miss working?  Often.  I miss the interaction with adults, getting dressed up every day and, undeniably, the paycheck every other week.  It’s quite lonely sometimes and honestly, a little boring at moments.  Do I feel like my brain has gone to mush in the last nine months?  Yes.  I can only sing ‘Old MacDonald’ a certain number of times in a day before I want to jump out of the window.  I’m lucky if I stay clean for three hours once I bathe.  And when I am finally able to leave the house - once feedings, naps and changings are over for an extended period of time - it’s 4:00 in the afternoon and I have to rush to get my errands done before Eliza’s 7:00 bedtime.  (Now, she is quite a flexible baby, but I do try to adhere to her schedule most days, for both of our sakes.)  

With all of that being said, however, I would not change a thing.  Eliza is my pride and joy.  She is what matters to me.  No amount of money or professional success can change that.  And I feel confident that Scott and I made the right decision for our family, for our daughter.  

My pride and joy.

So, that brings me back to our current, albeit temporary situation.  We have a lot of expenses coming up, including rent/mortgage, home renovations and travel.  Will we manage to make all of these things happen?  Of course.  And while it’ll be a tight couple of months, we can do it.  We chose this as our path and we’re proud of the decision that we made.  If we got everything we wanted when we wanted it, we wouldn’t have nearly as much appreciation for and pride in our belongings.  (But, it sure would be nice!)

For now, I just need to cut back on our my ridiculous excess spending.  And learn to adjust to our newfound life as retired rock stars.

For the time being, anyways. 

For we never seem to keep still for too long.