A Small Dose of Perspective

The last two weeks have been hard.

Monumentally hard.

Scott left for a month-long underway. Two days later Eliza began sprouting molars and subsequently decided to give up one of her daily naps.

I’ve screamed. She’s screamed. We’ve both cried. We both miss her daddy. We both are exhausted. And we are both lonely. 
It’s been incomparable to any other time in our lives. At this point, we only have each other but our strong personalities were only turning us against one another.

It’s been a humbling two weeks, to say the very least. Especially when I read about Baby Tripp, this mother's love, or just one of the many thousands of families who lost someone who was fighting for our freedom.

Regardless of how my toddler is acting, whether or not my husband is home or how badly I’m feeling for myself, I have to stop and remember every once and a while how incredibly blessed and fortunate I am. I have a husband who worships the ground I walk on and thinks our daughter hung the moon. We don’t have to worry about whether or not Scott will have a job tomorrow, how we’re going to put food on the table or whether to pay the electric bill or buy diapers. As of right now, we are all active and healthy individuals who are able to do anything we put our minds to. Simply put, we are favored beyond belief.

And while I do feel silly for feeling so overwhelmed by my tiny 14-month-old, I need to mentally stop time and memorize just how perfect she is, regardless of how ornery or unruly she’s being (for that only ever lasts but for so long). I need to remember how pink her adorably chubby cheeks are. How purply-blue her big beautiful eyes are behind her long and full eyelashes. The silly facial expressions she makes. How her hair is in the shape of a hurricane symbol, swirling and swirling, leaving a tiny bald spot right in the center of her head. Oh, her tiny, plump, curious hands. How she kicks her feet up and down, up and down when she’s excited. How she blows kisses and waves goodbye whenever she reaches for her purse. How she claps at the end of every single song she hears, even if it’s just a snipit. How incredibly loving and sweet she is. How much I love and admire her adventurous spirit. How I’m so proud of her each and every day at how brilliant she is. How when I ask her if she’s ready for bed she runs to her room, turns on her sound machine and runs circles on her soft rug waiting for me to tuck her in. How much she loves to ‘read’. I need to remember how she sees humor in nearly everything she sees and will let you know with the biggest from-the-belly laugh you’ve ever heard. How absolutely darling she looks cuddling her Molly and Snuffles when she is peacefully sleeping at night when I go to check on her. How she meows every morning until she finds Bella. How curious (and nosey) she is. I need to remember that my child, my sweet Eliza Lane, is simply a healthy, normal, perfect baby girl, who just so happens to be diagnosed with...toddlerhood. And that these issues we’ve had over the past week are indeed non-issues that we’ll have forgotten about by month’s end. We’re not dealing with a life-threatening illness, a loss or a burden so big that is shatters the world we’ve known. And for that, we are so grateful.

Having a bad day is part of life. And it’s okay to throw in the towel sometimes and just have a good whine about it. However, I always end each one of those days thinking to myself, ‘Well, the good thing about a bad day is that it’s just a day...tomorrow will always be better.’ And it always is.

I’m the first to admit that I live a wildly charmed life, filled with love, family, and comfort. Sure things get tough when Scott’s often away and missing things like holidays, birthdays, lazy Sundays and bath time. And dealing with a cranky toddler is never a walk in the park. Not to mention that starting over in a new (again) town, trying to find a good social network and people to call my friends is proving to be quite challenging. However, given the chance, I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s been hard before but I’ve always gained so much from my challenges and come out of it a better person.

Slowly, but surely, I think we’re coming to the end of this tumultuous two weeks we’ve had. Eliza is more and more herself every day and is adjusting nicely to our new schedule. She’s been quite cuddly and lovely to me all morning...so, hopefully, all has been forgiven. I can only hope that in those dark moments when I’m at my wit’s end she’s mentally pausing, tuning me out and thinking about all of my good qualities that she loves and doesn’t want to forget.

And that she feels as lucky to have me as I do her...even on the worst of days.